Thursday, May 26, 2016
Exploring the world with hands and mouth
About 10 days ago, Nicholas started grabbing toys. A couple days later, he was putting things in his mouth. Just like that he is exploring the world. Yesterday he learned to roll from back to belly and now practices it like he is proud of his new trick. And he found his feet! So much, so quick.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Mothers day
Tony worked 10:30-9:00 this weekend, which might have meant an exhausting weekend for me. Well, it was exhausting, but in a good way. I do feel tired most of the time. I do feel that I can't keep up with everything. I do get bothered by the constant needs of these boys. But, I don't want those tired moments to stand out! I don't want to look back at these sweet days and say "uh, that was exhausting". I want to remember the sweet moments when I completely love these mom days. Nicholas is the sweetest cuddliest baby. He smiles, he laughs, he lets me smush his cheeks (my favorite thing). He looks up at me like he is a real person now. And melts my heart. Colin is sure full of energy. Sometimes I just want him to slow down and be less crazy. But that is what I love about him. His goofy loving personality. He squeezes me so tight sometimes that he chokes me. He tells me 'I love you' many times a day, including when he is sad (like when he bonked his head to tonight) or when he is a little in trouble (like when missed the toilet tonight and I was bothered that there was pee all over the floor). Sure, just what I wanted to do was scrub the bathroom floor as I am trying to wind down 3 kids for the night. But Colin's joy for life and his closeness to us are the best! And Evan, well I just love having a smart, caring, creative 7 year old. One who made me many Mother's Day crafts, including a 5 step geocache. I love that we read hours of Harry Potter this weekend and that he helps his little brothers so much. I want to capture these stages and memories and not the daily drag for being busy. And I know that I have been busy commuting to work, but I want the time at home to be my best days. Being a mom is the best!
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Back to work
Three weeks of work already in the books. It was a little hard to go back after being off with Nicholas. I miss that baby when I am not with him. But part of me knows that I want to work. I really like my job and believe the sacrifice (travel time to Muskegon and time away from the family) will be worth it. Sure, I constantly have thoughts like... Am I doing the right thing? Will I regret my decisions? I know these days of sweet little boys won't last forever, and that I will these days. But I think I will miss the days regardless. And when they aren't sweet little boys, and are grown up boys, I will be glad to have lived my life too. To have lived my dreams and created a life that is bigger than being a mom. I know this is the job I want. The 3 years between graduating from Frontier and starting my CNM job, felt like something was missing. I have an amazing life and have always thought of myself as lucky, but it was hard to have a dream that seemed like it wouldn't happen. Glad to be given this chance. I can't believe I have these sweet boys and can balance them with a part time midwife job. Best of both worlds. Even if I came from home my first all night call shift in tears because of exhaustion, worry, and missing that first night of baby snuggling, and that the drive to Muskegon is a challenge with an infant... I am content here for now. Thankful.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
sleep
How is he sleeping?
I get asked that most days by someone. It is certainly a topic that encompasses the life of having newborn. It is almost like asking about the weather. It seems like the most logical small talk to have with someone with a new baby.
I actually think he is doing pretty well for 7 weeks. Last night, he did two 2.5 hour sleeps to start off, then woke up about every hour after than to some soothing or pacifier. I gave up on trying to have these little babies sleep by themselves after Evan. The few couple months with Evan I would try so hard to get him into a deep sleep and then lay him down and cross my fingers he stayed happy, it didn't work more than it did. And I was one tired and frustrated mom. Now with Nicholas, I went into planning on letting him sleep wherever it was that him and I got the most sleep we could. And that has usually been sleeping on my chest or cradled in my arm, or if he is really ready for a deep sleep lying on his belly. I have broken many safe sleep rules. But, I am much happier and less exhausted this time around. Some nights I wish that he would just sleep calmly in his own so I can have my space and a good night's sleep. And some moments I hope that he never wants to leave my bed. I love having this sweet little baby all cuddled in with me.
I get asked that most days by someone. It is certainly a topic that encompasses the life of having newborn. It is almost like asking about the weather. It seems like the most logical small talk to have with someone with a new baby.
I actually think he is doing pretty well for 7 weeks. Last night, he did two 2.5 hour sleeps to start off, then woke up about every hour after than to some soothing or pacifier. I gave up on trying to have these little babies sleep by themselves after Evan. The few couple months with Evan I would try so hard to get him into a deep sleep and then lay him down and cross my fingers he stayed happy, it didn't work more than it did. And I was one tired and frustrated mom. Now with Nicholas, I went into planning on letting him sleep wherever it was that him and I got the most sleep we could. And that has usually been sleeping on my chest or cradled in my arm, or if he is really ready for a deep sleep lying on his belly. I have broken many safe sleep rules. But, I am much happier and less exhausted this time around. Some nights I wish that he would just sleep calmly in his own so I can have my space and a good night's sleep. And some moments I hope that he never wants to leave my bed. I love having this sweet little baby all cuddled in with me.
ISBV
Knowing that the school we chose for Evan would make a difference in his education and life, we had a hard time making the decision. We checked out many options, and finally decided on ISBV. This cute little school community with awesome teachers and teaching chinese and an "outside the box" IB curriculum.
We have loved this school! Evan has too! Of course, he is to the point that he appreciates a snow day every once in awhile. But, I can tell that he feels connected to this place. We were fortunate to have this school to start off his school years. It has shown that school is safe, happy, fun second home. He is friends with every child in the building and never has told me that a child was anything but. This school has created a community of love and kindness, all while providing an excellent education. But, unfortunately, it was too good to be true. And that keeping this little community of 55 kids together is not financially possible for the school district.
I'd had a few tears about the closing of ISBV. Evan has not yet. But, I worry about the feelings he will have when the time comes to close that door to ISBV on the last day and face the unknown out their in a new school for second grade. Maybe it won't phase him much, he doesn't quite realize how good he really has it there. You can only see from a parent's perspective. The perspective that you want the best for your children, and here it is, in this place.
We have loved this school! Evan has too! Of course, he is to the point that he appreciates a snow day every once in awhile. But, I can tell that he feels connected to this place. We were fortunate to have this school to start off his school years. It has shown that school is safe, happy, fun second home. He is friends with every child in the building and never has told me that a child was anything but. This school has created a community of love and kindness, all while providing an excellent education. But, unfortunately, it was too good to be true. And that keeping this little community of 55 kids together is not financially possible for the school district.
I'd had a few tears about the closing of ISBV. Evan has not yet. But, I worry about the feelings he will have when the time comes to close that door to ISBV on the last day and face the unknown out their in a new school for second grade. Maybe it won't phase him much, he doesn't quite realize how good he really has it there. You can only see from a parent's perspective. The perspective that you want the best for your children, and here it is, in this place.
Friday, February 5, 2016
Three boys
The littlest one, I am still just soaking up the baby snuggles when I can. Hard to imagine life two weeks before Nicholas entered the world. He is a sweet one. And when he is not tired or hungry or riding in his car seat, he is usually a content alert baby.
Colin, our love bug. I get so many hugs from him. Big squeeze hugs! And so many "I love you's". He is so affectionate for a 3-year-old, or at least different than Evan, who is up for a hug whenever but not the initiator. Tony has been sleeping on a mattress on their floor since Nicholas was born. But a few nights ago, Colin asked if I could. We put them in bed, but I still had to feed Nicholas so told Colin it would be about 5 minutes until I would be in. When I did go lay down in their room, Colin said "mom thank you for coming in here". Aww melts my heart to hear this and know that he appreciates us. After our back and forth "I love you's" we fell asleep.
Evan seems more and more grown up all the time. Yesterday he completed his first chapter book. And he has doing second grade math for a few weeks. Sometimes he seems so big and independent. We drop him off and he skis 3 days at a week at Hickory. Which brings me to a story from a few days ago that in the moment made me frustrated but afterward made me realize how little he still really is. Six! That's it! We were about to get in the car so I could drop him off at skiing. Colin was buckled and I was working on getting Nicholas in his seat and making sure Evan had all his gear, when Evan said "these skis say Walter on them". Ugh, after a busy day home with a baby and busy 3 year old, I was getting worn out and did not want to deal with going to hickory to solve the ski problem. Turns out it was an easy fix. But I know I was short with Evan at first and hurried him into the car so we could solve it. He told me he was scared and almost had a few tears. I felt bad for him in that moment and didn't want him to suffer fear over this. Learning experience for us both.
Colin, our love bug. I get so many hugs from him. Big squeeze hugs! And so many "I love you's". He is so affectionate for a 3-year-old, or at least different than Evan, who is up for a hug whenever but not the initiator. Tony has been sleeping on a mattress on their floor since Nicholas was born. But a few nights ago, Colin asked if I could. We put them in bed, but I still had to feed Nicholas so told Colin it would be about 5 minutes until I would be in. When I did go lay down in their room, Colin said "mom thank you for coming in here". Aww melts my heart to hear this and know that he appreciates us. After our back and forth "I love you's" we fell asleep.
Evan seems more and more grown up all the time. Yesterday he completed his first chapter book. And he has doing second grade math for a few weeks. Sometimes he seems so big and independent. We drop him off and he skis 3 days at a week at Hickory. Which brings me to a story from a few days ago that in the moment made me frustrated but afterward made me realize how little he still really is. Six! That's it! We were about to get in the car so I could drop him off at skiing. Colin was buckled and I was working on getting Nicholas in his seat and making sure Evan had all his gear, when Evan said "these skis say Walter on them". Ugh, after a busy day home with a baby and busy 3 year old, I was getting worn out and did not want to deal with going to hickory to solve the ski problem. Turns out it was an easy fix. But I know I was short with Evan at first and hurried him into the car so we could solve it. He told me he was scared and almost had a few tears. I felt bad for him in that moment and didn't want him to suffer fear over this. Learning experience for us both.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Precious Nicholas
To put into words the past few days in a challenge. There is nothing like bringing another child to the world to make you pause... and to think, feel, and reflect on life.
First, the birth story, because I have to start somewhere. This labor was a little different than the other two. First, it was a week early. But also, started differently. Saturday we were stopping at the toy store to buy a gift for a party Evan was going to that day. I started getting this intense pain right around my belly button, kinda constant and moving made it worse. I figured it would go away soon, but it stayed on and off all day and I was having more Braxton hicks contractions. They weren't too painful and picked up in frequency towards the night. Overnight, I was awake frequently anticipating these mild contractions to get stronger. I did make myself try to sleep though knowing I needed to if labor was close. Well, morning came. Sunday I was still uncomfortable, more mild contractions. By the evening, every 30 minutes or so I would have a contraction that was intense, stop what you're doing and breath intense. I went to bed thinking there was a good chance it was going to happen. At 11:00pm, those strong contractions picked up regularity and by 1:00 I had woken up Tony, got babysitters over and headed to Munson. Showed up at 8cm dilated, to my relief. And spent the next hour or so in the tub coping surprising well I thought. Hopped out of the tub when it was time to push and with a few minutes of my body uncontrollably giving in, out flew a baby. I was on my hands and knees, but collapsed and glanced at the little thing to learn he was really a boy like we figured. Exhaustion and overwhelming relief filled me and took a few moments to focus on him more. Then I was in love! I couldn't believe it, number 3! It didn't seem real that I was the mama to 3 sweet boys.
The big boys are curiously interested in their new brother. Not overly impressed though. They go about their day like any other day. To them it is just a sleeping blob that one day may do something more exciting than poop in a diaper. Can't wait to see the day they all are off on boy adventures together.
Actually, I can wait...
I want time to pause, or slow down to soak up these moments to the fullest. Seeing this new little baby makes me excited for the days ahead. I can't wait to see his personality at age 3 and see if he is as funny and loving as Colin or his ideas at age 7 and see if he is as smart or creative as Evan. But, for now it makes me tear up a little thinking of him getting any bigger. I want to keep him this small (or at least the snuggles, baby noises, baby smells, and soft cheeks, and complete joy with this little being that I don't want to put down for 10 minutes). Even though it's not possible anyways, I don't want him to be a baby forever, because the days ahead I know are exciting too. But I know I miss these baby cuddles. Nothing to do about but enjoy it now. Remember it. And love each new day and step. I don't ever wish to see Evan or Colin as babies again, not because I didn't cherish those days either, but because I love the people they are today. And as much as I want to stop time and shut out the rest of the world at this moment, and just be with my family, we can only sneak in those cuddles and hold on to the memories.
Back to picking up sweet Nicholas for some snuggles.
First, the birth story, because I have to start somewhere. This labor was a little different than the other two. First, it was a week early. But also, started differently. Saturday we were stopping at the toy store to buy a gift for a party Evan was going to that day. I started getting this intense pain right around my belly button, kinda constant and moving made it worse. I figured it would go away soon, but it stayed on and off all day and I was having more Braxton hicks contractions. They weren't too painful and picked up in frequency towards the night. Overnight, I was awake frequently anticipating these mild contractions to get stronger. I did make myself try to sleep though knowing I needed to if labor was close. Well, morning came. Sunday I was still uncomfortable, more mild contractions. By the evening, every 30 minutes or so I would have a contraction that was intense, stop what you're doing and breath intense. I went to bed thinking there was a good chance it was going to happen. At 11:00pm, those strong contractions picked up regularity and by 1:00 I had woken up Tony, got babysitters over and headed to Munson. Showed up at 8cm dilated, to my relief. And spent the next hour or so in the tub coping surprising well I thought. Hopped out of the tub when it was time to push and with a few minutes of my body uncontrollably giving in, out flew a baby. I was on my hands and knees, but collapsed and glanced at the little thing to learn he was really a boy like we figured. Exhaustion and overwhelming relief filled me and took a few moments to focus on him more. Then I was in love! I couldn't believe it, number 3! It didn't seem real that I was the mama to 3 sweet boys.
The big boys are curiously interested in their new brother. Not overly impressed though. They go about their day like any other day. To them it is just a sleeping blob that one day may do something more exciting than poop in a diaper. Can't wait to see the day they all are off on boy adventures together.
Actually, I can wait...
I want time to pause, or slow down to soak up these moments to the fullest. Seeing this new little baby makes me excited for the days ahead. I can't wait to see his personality at age 3 and see if he is as funny and loving as Colin or his ideas at age 7 and see if he is as smart or creative as Evan. But, for now it makes me tear up a little thinking of him getting any bigger. I want to keep him this small (or at least the snuggles, baby noises, baby smells, and soft cheeks, and complete joy with this little being that I don't want to put down for 10 minutes). Even though it's not possible anyways, I don't want him to be a baby forever, because the days ahead I know are exciting too. But I know I miss these baby cuddles. Nothing to do about but enjoy it now. Remember it. And love each new day and step. I don't ever wish to see Evan or Colin as babies again, not because I didn't cherish those days either, but because I love the people they are today. And as much as I want to stop time and shut out the rest of the world at this moment, and just be with my family, we can only sneak in those cuddles and hold on to the memories.
Back to picking up sweet Nicholas for some snuggles.
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