I am so lucky to be your mom. I can't stop thinking about you right now, as I am teared up with thoughts of you going to kindergarten in 10 days. I want to remember every moment of the past 5+ years that I have had with you. I know… its just kindergarten. But this milestone is a huge change. I think that the 5 full days will be a little hard of you, but I know that you are ready for the ideas, friends, and new experiences ahead. I just feel like I'm losing my baby boy. This will be harder for me that you. I knew that someday you would be your own person. And I am amazed each day about the person you are becoming. But, I just want to keep you little and snuggle you. I am thankful for the time we have had. I wouldn't have given up my opportunity to be home with you most days. And have a front-row seat to watching your childhood. There were moments and days that it was hard. And it still is. I just can't get into your Lego games. I cringe every time that you ask me to "be the girls" and "is it one of their birthdays?". I just want to sit back and watch you, and remember the way you look and the things you do. I want to hold on to these days. I feel guilty for wishing the hours by sometimes. Because sometimes, I want time to stop. Last week, I told you that you were going to turn 5 again on your next birthday. Part of me doesn't want you to get older. These exhausting days are such a mix. I know that years from now I will wish that I could spend a little time with 5-year-old Evan again. I will wish:
- that we could play some Legos
- that your random collections of rocks, feathers, ripped up papers, saved toy packaging, dirty clothes, and projects was thrown about your room.
- I could watch you just run around the house with endless excitement and energy.
- to look across the table from me and see you half falling out of your chair.
- to see that cute nod you do after you ask me a life question
- have you reach for my hand when walking through parking lots or just because.
I know there is excitement ahead for both of us. I just want to hold onto these days. The ones where you don't want to get out of jammies or leave the house. This was a special time for mom. Our time. Thank you. Love, Mom
