To put into words the past few days in a challenge. There is nothing like bringing another child to the world to make you pause... and to think, feel, and reflect on life.
First, the birth story, because I have to start somewhere. This labor was a little different than the other two. First, it was a week early. But also, started differently. Saturday we were stopping at the toy store to buy a gift for a party Evan was going to that day. I started getting this intense pain right around my belly button, kinda constant and moving made it worse. I figured it would go away soon, but it stayed on and off all day and I was having more Braxton hicks contractions. They weren't too painful and picked up in frequency towards the night. Overnight, I was awake frequently anticipating these mild contractions to get stronger. I did make myself try to sleep though knowing I needed to if labor was close. Well, morning came. Sunday I was still uncomfortable, more mild contractions. By the evening, every 30 minutes or so I would have a contraction that was intense, stop what you're doing and breath intense. I went to bed thinking there was a good chance it was going to happen. At 11:00pm, those strong contractions picked up regularity and by 1:00 I had woken up Tony, got babysitters over and headed to Munson. Showed up at 8cm dilated, to my relief. And spent the next hour or so in the tub coping surprising well I thought. Hopped out of the tub when it was time to push and with a few minutes of my body uncontrollably giving in, out flew a baby. I was on my hands and knees, but collapsed and glanced at the little thing to learn he was really a boy like we figured. Exhaustion and overwhelming relief filled me and took a few moments to focus on him more. Then I was in love! I couldn't believe it, number 3! It didn't seem real that I was the mama to 3 sweet boys.
The big boys are curiously interested in their new brother. Not overly impressed though. They go about their day like any other day. To them it is just a sleeping blob that one day may do something more exciting than poop in a diaper. Can't wait to see the day they all are off on boy adventures together.
Actually, I can wait...
I want time to pause, or slow down to soak up these moments to the fullest. Seeing this new little baby makes me excited for the days ahead. I can't wait to see his personality at age 3 and see if he is as funny and loving as Colin or his ideas at age 7 and see if he is as smart or creative as Evan. But, for now it makes me tear up a little thinking of him getting any bigger. I want to keep him this small (or at least the snuggles, baby noises, baby smells, and soft cheeks, and complete joy with this little being that I don't want to put down for 10 minutes). Even though it's not possible anyways, I don't want him to be a baby forever, because the days ahead I know are exciting too. But I know I miss these baby cuddles. Nothing to do about but enjoy it now. Remember it. And love each new day and step. I don't ever wish to see Evan or Colin as babies again, not because I didn't cherish those days either, but because I love the people they are today. And as much as I want to stop time and shut out the rest of the world at this moment, and just be with my family, we can only sneak in those cuddles and hold on to the memories.
Back to picking up sweet Nicholas for some snuggles.
