Dear kindergartener Evan

Dear Evan,

I am so lucky to be your mom.  I can't stop thinking about you right now, as I am teared up with thoughts of you going to kindergarten in 10 days.  I want to remember every moment of the past 5+ years that I have had with you.  I know… its just kindergarten.  But this milestone is a huge change.  I think that the 5 full days will be a little hard of you, but I know that you are ready for the ideas, friends, and new experiences ahead.  I just feel like I'm losing my baby boy.  This will be harder for me that you.  I knew that someday you would be your own person.  And I am amazed each day about the person you are becoming.  But, I just want to keep you little and snuggle you.  I am thankful for the time we have had.  I wouldn't have given up my opportunity to be home with you most days.  And have a front-row seat to watching your childhood.  There were moments and days that it was hard.  And it still is.  I just can't get into your Lego games.  I cringe every time that you ask me to "be the girls" and "is it one of their birthdays?".  I just want to sit back and watch you, and remember the way you look and the things you do.  I want to hold on to these days.  I feel guilty for wishing the hours by sometimes.  Because sometimes, I want time to stop.  Last week, I told you that you were going to turn 5 again on your next birthday.  Part of me doesn't want you to get older.  These exhausting days are such a mix.  I know that years from now I will wish that I could spend a little time with 5-year-old Evan again.  I will wish:

• that we could play some Legos
• that your random collections of rocks, feathers, ripped up papers, saved toy packaging, dirty clothes, and projects was thrown about your room.  
• I could watch you just run around the house with endless excitement and energy.  
• to look across the table from me and see you half falling out of your chair. 
• to see that cute nod you do after you ask me a life question
• have you reach for my hand when walking through parking lots or just because.

I know there is excitement ahead for both of us.  I just want to hold onto these days.  The ones where you don't want to get out of jammies or leave the house.  This was a special time for mom.  Our time.  Thank you.  Love, Mom 

end of June

Last day of the 30-day challenge.  I actually missed a day.  I just completely forgot.  Most days it was the last thing I had to do before going to sleep.  I actually put it off until laying in bed most nights.  It's not that hard to write a few sentences.  It is just one more thing to do after a long day of doing many things.  I know that I want to remember these days though; the days of messy faces, giggles, tantrums, learning to talk, learning to read, running outside to see the ice cream truck, digging in the dirt, pointing at bugs, splashing water, toys all over the house, and bedtime hugs.  And those are just a few of the things that I enjoyed about TODAY!  We really do have a good life.  Some moments I wish I out working in some fulfilling career and some moments I wish for more time for myself.  But, usually when I look at the big picture, home with the family is where I want to be.

Library

We have been going to the library frequently, at least once a week.  And Evan always wants all the Lego or batman books he can find.  Also, I signed Evan up for summer reading club, so we have been looking for books to meet those goals.  So we have a ton checked out.  I learned issue that the maximum is 40 books.  I was trying to check out an additional 3.  Instead, I had to use Tony's card.  So we currently have 43 items from the library at our house.  I hope I can find them all.

Running

Usually I just run to do it.  Not because I like it.  I just need to exercise and it's the quickest way I can get a good workout.  Today I had fun running a 5k race.  I did have to walk the hills as I pushed two kids in  stroller, but it felt good to run and be part of something.  That is why I likes the Bayshore half-marathon as much as I did.  Being part of it.  And it was a rewarding feeling to say "I did it!"

A good day

Not every day is a good one.  I don't really have any bad ones.  It's just that some are better than others.  Today was great!  Tony was off of work.  That makes for a better day.  And we had a lot of fun things planned.  Soccer camp, watching the World Cup game at the State Theater, park with friends, beach, family dinner, swimming lessons.  The moment that I consciously thought about how great of a day we were having was when I was pushing Colin on the baby swing and he pointed to the swing next to him and said "mama", meaning that I was to swing next to him, and I swung next to a happy baby with a happy 5 year old running around with his friends and lookin at the blue sky and bay.  I thought, this is living the dream.

Strawberries

Picked some strawberries today!  They didn't eat quite as many along the way as I expected.  They were a little goofy.  Evan joked around by saying "here's a good one" and then holding up a moldy one.

swimming and soccer

I don't want to push Evan too hard with sports.  Really, he's 5.  And it doesn't really matter anyways.  But, watching him at soccer camp, I just want to go out there and tell him, "to try".  He mostly observes the other kids or after the ball passes midfield he runs to the goal to be the "goalie".  Though, even when being the goalie it looks like he is there just daydreaming.  Afterwards camp today I told him that tomorrow he should get in their with the other kids more and try to score a goal.  Though, it should be about having fun, and that he seems to be having for now.

Swimming lessons are the opposite.  He has surprised me with his eagerness and fearlessness after a few lessons.  Up until a couple months, he hated putting his head underwater.  And today, he went under and got a ring from the bottom!

It is really fun for me to watch him to these activities, and even more fun when he is improving!